


since we were eighteen

by louieezus



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Reality, Smut, if i can muster it, mostly larry but a lil bit of sophiam & zerrie later on, no payzer bc i dont know much about them, unfortunately elounor and bearding will occur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-15 12:19:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3446948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louieezus/pseuds/louieezus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>reality fic in which we follow louis and harry's lives from when they first meet to present day. so basically this fic might never end. i know that i may miss out things that have happened but there we go. bear with me when i inevitably get writer's block.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> oookkk so here we go with my first ever larry fic (and first fic i've ever put on here)!! i apologise if it's awful but i hope it's not. it's gonna start off slow but soon we'll get down to the nitty gritty.
> 
> obviously it goes without saying, please do not attempt to show this to the boys or their families/friends.

**Harry’s POV:**

He called out our five names slowly: Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles. I immediately knew what was going on and shook my head, watching the other boys step forward with confusion written all over their faces. I new the industry was harsh, but I couldn’t believe they were going to do this to us.

Louis was the only one of us who hadn’t been crying, but when I looked into his eyes, I could see so much pain behind them from the way the vibrant blue that I had seen mere hours ago had turned dark and stormy. I wasn't usually one to look too much into eyes, but when I had met Louis, only a few days before, I had been instantly taken aback by the striking colour of his. I had talked to the boys once or twice, and we all got along well, but Louis and I had really clicked. He was such a joker, and he made everyone laugh all the time, but I felt like he was using it as a defence mechanism, that he was insecure behind his mask of humour.

I knew Niall was the popular one, the Irish one who could play the guitar. Liam had been here before, he was a nice guy, but he seemed pretty serious. Zayn was a bit of a mystery, he kept himself to himself most of the time, but as I followed them on to the stage, shoulders slumped, I muttered something to him about ‘making young boys cry on TV’.

When we stepped onto the stage together, I noticed four girls standing on the other side. Suddenly I began to doubt my theory - would they really bring girls back just to break their hearts further?

The five of us stood in a line, arms around shoulders as if we had known each other for years because, whatever had happened, we were now in the same boat. I could feel myself shaking as I tried to calm the raging butterflies in my stomach. I looked to Simon on the panel. He looked smug, as if he was trying to bite back a smile.

I tried desperately to listen to Nicole’s words, but everything seemed a blur, until she said, “You’re all too talented to let go of. We want to make two separate groups.”

And suddenly I was on the floor, clutching my head. I could see Niall jumping about all over the place, and the other boys swirling around and looking at each other in disbelief. When I stood up, Louis was in front of me, jumping into my arms and wrapping his legs around my waist. I laughed into his beanie as he played with my curls that he had told me he loved so much. He whispered his happy thoughts into my ear as I staggered around, finally placing him carefully on the ground before exiting the stage, as we had been instructed.

Immediately, the cameras were on us again, asking us how we felt. We all replied with cries of elation as we jumped about, yelling excitedly. That was when it all began.

 

A week later, I knew that these four boys were gong to be my best friends for the rest of my life. Sure, I had had good friends back home, but as soon as we had been told to go away and start rehearsing together, I had sensed the closeness within the group. Ironically, when we were supposed to be practising, we usually ended up playing football. Most of the lads were pretty good, particularly Louis, but I had never really been into football as a kid, so I tended to sit on the sidelines and cheer on the others. In exchange, they made sure that I never felt left out, constantly competing for my attention. Louis, being the cheeky chappy that he was, liked to stretch provocatively in front of me and wink dramatically, causing me to blush furiously. I wasn’t sure why it was having this effect on me, but, strangely, I didn’t really mind.

One evening, as the boys flopped onto their seats after an intense game of footie, Niall suggested that we play a game of Truth or Dare. I was pounced on first, and being the wimp that I was, I opted for truth.

“Okay, have you ever…been in love?” Niall smirked.

“I’m sixteen.” I replied tactically.

“That doesn’t answer the question!” Liam exclaimed.

“Fine,” I sighed flamboyantly, “No. I haven’t. Love is a big word and I just don’t think I’ve felt it before.”

“Steady on, mate.” Louis laughed.

I shot him a jokingly angry look as the other lads chuckled with him, “Alright, how about you?” I challenged.

“Uh,” Louis coughed, “no…I…I don’t think so either. I‘ve had a girlfriend, but I wasn‘t in love with her.” He tugged down on his beanie, or rather my beanie which he had claimed, to cover his little ears.

I had to admit, as soon as I’d met him, I had a little crush on him. He was two years older than me, so there was that obvious appeal, but he’d won me over by getting a cheeky photo with me and telling me that he could see I was going to be a star. I had merely blushed as he smiled brighter than the sun into the camera. I wasn’t usually one to get excited over a boy, I’d always been known as a bit of a ladies’ man, but I had no real problem in accepting that I liked a guy. However, accepting that I liked Louis, popular older boy in the same band as me, was slightly different.

I was quite flattered when he took a liking to the beanie I’d worn to my audition, but I was starting to miss wearing it. I tried no to let it bother me; Louis wore it better anyway.

“You planning on giving that back to me at some point?” I nodded at the hat.

“No,” he smirked, “I’m becoming quite attached to it.”

I rolled my eyes and concentrated on the game which the boys had been continuing without us. Liam looked nervous as he was being egged on by Zayn to perform his dare, but the grin on his face after showed us that he wasn’t going to remain the good little boy for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the chapters are short but i hope you enjoy them. there should be a new one up soon bc it's already written but you can always sub to my username as i might upload a oneshot every once in a while if i'm not feeling this. ((and don't forget to sub to this one if you enjoyed it!!))
> 
> also if you wanna check out my tumblr it's right here >> http://infinitelylouis.tumblr.com/
> 
> kudos and comments would make my life :))


	2. acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to clarify i will definitely not be uploading every day, but i thought it would be a bit boring to leave it on chapter one. hope you enjoy!

**Louis’ POV:**

Obviously, I immediately jumped into the seat next to Harry when we boarded the plane to Marbella, while the other boys fought over who would have to sit alone. My mum said she had never known me to become so close to anyone in a week as I had with Harry. It had taken months to befriend even Stan, my best friend from home, and now I knew that while our bond was strong, it didn’t really compare to what I already had with these four boys.

The moment I met Harry in the toilets at the auditions, I knew he was going to be a star. I mean, how could he not be with those curls and cherub face, paired with a name like _Harry Styles?_ Not to mention the sensationally deep, melted-chocolate voice. The fact that he was a ready-made popstar was not the reason he became my best friend within a few days, though. I don’t think ‘Harry Styles’ was ever my best friend; to me it was just Harry (or Harold, as I had taken to calling him).

“Calm down, Lou,” Harry said softly, placing a hand on my bouncing knee.

I’d only been on a plane once before, when I was much younger on a family trip to France, and the opportunity to travel further had me buzzing. Harry, though younger than me, had much more experience in travelling and he was trying in vain to get me to relax.

“No way. We’re going to Spain, Haz!” I grinned at him.

He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, slipping on his eye mask, an item which I was regretting teasing him for taking. Sighing, I also leaned my head back and closed my eyes, attempting to block out Niall and Zayn’s noise from behind us.

When I woke up, I found a still-unconscious Harry resting on my shoulder. I smiled fondly at his quiet snoring before gently pulling on a curl and whispering, “Rise and shine, sleepyhead. The land of partying is here!”

“Mmph,” Harry mumbled, nuzzling a bit closer before removing his eye mask and staring up at me with wide green eyes.

I laughed a little and nudged him off me, standing up and grabbing both of our bags from the overhead locker, before almost being knocked over by the other rowdy lads darting off the plane, cheering. “Come on mate,” I grabbed Harry’s arm, “Don’ t want to get left behind!”

 

Our few days in Marbella turned out to be less party-hard, and more work-hard. When we realised that we had hardly rehearsed together at all, we decided it would probably be a good idea to get a song prepared. Harry had decided on ‘Torn’, the rest of us agreeing wholeheartedly that it would be a great song for our first performance as a group. I wasn’t really all that insulted that Liam and Harry go the solos, with Zayn doing most of the harmonising on the chorus, after all: I had cocked up my audition big time. Clearly, these guys were amazing, and I knew I was going to have to work really hard to prove I was anywhere near their level.

Once we had polished our performance to death, Niall suggested we go down to the beach near the house. We all jumped at the chance of _fun_ , grabbing trunks, towels and (in the case of Zayn) a rubber ring.

We all flopped into the sparkling sea almost comically, but I could see Liam’s concern as he helped Zayn into his rubber ring. Harry slapped a hand over my mouth as I began to laugh at the sight.

“It’s not Zayn’s fault he can’t swim!” He hissed, shoving me quickly under the water.

“Okay, okay,” I spluttered, holding up my hands in surrender, “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just so cute!”

“Dick’ead.” He laughed, swimming backstroke over to Niall and mounting his shoulders before chucking a beach ball in front of me, subsequently splashing salt water into my eyes.

“Oh, it’s war, Styles,” I yelled manically, chucking the ball back at him and knocking him off Niall’s shoulders.

My hysterical laughter stopped as soon as I saw Harry emerging from under the water and moving towards me at top speed. I screamed loudly, running as fast as I could inshore until -

“Fuck! Ow, fucking shit! Oh my _god!_ Jesus!” I shrieked, falling onto the sand and clutching my leg. Sharp jolts of pain fired through my foot and up my leg, but this was a kind of pain I had never experienced before, a kind of pain that make me think I was going to pass out.

I vaguely heard people shouting my names and noticed them coming towards me, pulling me fully out of the sea. “What happened?!” Harry asked worriedly.

“I -” I gritted my teeth, “I stepped on something - ah, fuck!”

“Oh my god, Niall - call an ambulance!” Liam yelled, gathering the other boys to carry me up the beach.

I don’t remember much about the ambulance coming, until the paramedics gave me _something,_ something that worked miracles, because then the pain was merely slow throbbing. I was told that only one of the boys was allowed to come with me, and Zayn, Liam and Niall went to get Harry’s things for him to take with him before I had even uttered his name. Harry smiled at me wryly before jumping into the ambulance and waving to the boys with me.

“How about we don’t tell my mum about this?” I asked.

Harry just laughed.

After ten minutes of waiting at the hospital, I was taken to the doctor and Harry was asked to leave, because I ‘might be here a while’.

“Okay, but what if you can’t get back in time?” Harry asked, concerned.

“Just practise without me, you’ll be fine.” I smiled reassuringly, despite my sadness at possibly not getting to perform.

“No we won’t, Lou, we need you, I…you‘re our leader.” He corrected himself, and my heart jumped into my mouth at what he had nearly said.

I appreciated the utter lie he was telling: the band would be absolutely fine without me. “Don’t worry, H,” I slapped his hand lightly and watched him walk out of the building, shoulders slumped.

 

When I returned to Simon’s house, five minutes before the performance, the boys were sitting on the steps outside, waiting for me. It made me feel warm inside. When I hopped (literally) out of the car, they all ran towards me, tackling me into a hug, Harry’s arms wrapping around me fast.

I explained to them that I had stepped on a sea urchin and swatted away Harry’s profuse apologies as they helped me hobble round to Simon’s pool. To my surprise, I was also attacked with concern from Simon before we started singing. All I remember about that performance was that I was completely in awe of the other guys and how well we all fit together.

Post-performance was mostly filled with hugs and grinning, followed by nerve-wracking waiting with the other groups, most of whom none of us talked to except Niall. Harry and Liam were worrying, but I had heard them, and I already had complete faith that we were through.

Despite my relative lack of nerves, I was still mildly irritated by Simon’s roundabout way of telling us that we were through, and I was still so incredibly happy when he finally did tell us. Harry was hugging our mentor and he was so happy that he actually started _crying,_ and for me, that was the icing on the cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this! if you enjoyed it then you can subscribe and see when i upload some more. 
> 
> tumblr: infinitelylouis
> 
> again comments and kudos would be amazing :)


	3. confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! this chapter is kinda short and crappy, but things start to get a bit more interesting...

**Harry’s POV:**

Everyone must fall in love with Louis Tomlinson, I had thought to myself, how could they not? I had never meant for it to happen, but Louis took top bunk in our room in the X Factor house and some nights, when the partying got a little too hard and Louis had a little too much to drink, he wouldn’t be able to make it up to his bed. “Haz?” He would whisper loudly, “Can I?”

I would make a big show of rolling my eyes and sighing before patting the space next to me in my bed, but I was hiding an excited smile behind my duvet. Louis would giggle a little before crawling in and wrapping his arms around me, cold feet reaching just further than mine. He would bury his face in my hair before kissing it and saying, “Love you, Harold.”

I would only sigh heavily, unresponsive. People say all sorts of things when they’re drunk.

 

Yet another morning I woke up cold and alone. I was, as usual, the last up, and when I made my way downstairs, I heard Louis rambling loudly, “Last night was fucking mad, wasn’t it Niall?”

“Dunno mate,” Niall chuckled, “can’t remember it.”

I poked my head round into the kitchen to exclamations of, “Harry! You’re alive!”

I punched the boys lightly, but noticed that Louis was not amongst the gaggle. He was smiling (shyly?) at me from the corner of the room. I returned the smile as best I could.

That was the day we started properly rehearsing; Simon planned our song with us, our vocal coach started getting to work, and the choreographer attempted (in vain) to get us to show any kind of coordination. I feared that the fact none of us could dance to save our lives would title us ‘The Worst Boyband in the History of Boybands’, though I suspected Zayn was holding back a little because he was embarrassed.

Obviously, Liam was thrust into the main parts, but he was so willing to take it on when the rest of us we balls of nerves. He was clearly prepared for this, though, he had come back to the X Factor after two years with a point to prove. And he was fantastic. He could pull us all together vocally, the same way Louis could personality-wise.

The day before our first live performance, after sound check, I heard a northern accent call my name, but surprisingly, it wasn’t Louis’.

“Yeah, what’s up Zayn?” I smiled at my friend.

“I…I’m really worried about tomorrow. I’m all out of time with the music and I don’t want to mess it up for you gu -” He babbled.

“Hey! Hey, Z, you’ve probably got the best voice in the whole band.” I cut him off, “You can reach notes the rest of us can’t even dream of and your harmonies are like magic. Don’t worry - just feel the music, you can do it.”  
None of what I was saying was a lie, he really _did_ have the most amazing voice, but when I heard Louis sing properly for the first time, I had been captivated in a way I was with no one else.

“You really think so?” He looked at me nervously.

I just nodded, grabbed his hand and brought him into the living room where the boys were hanging out with some other contestants.

“Hey, guys!” I shouted, “Has Zayn not got the most magical voice you’ve ever heard?”

Every single person in the room looked back at us, eyes rolling, and chorused, “Yes!”, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Zayn turned bright red, but hugged me close and whispered, “Thanks, H.”

 

There is no way to describe the buzz of performing to thousands (and back home, millions) of people. Generally, our first performance had gone well, and the comments were good, some judges even saying crazy things about us making it big, but the feeling of elation running through our group was purely down to the thrill of performing.

“That was amazing, Lou!” I grinned at my best friend, “That’s got to be the best feeling in the world!”

“Oh,” He raised his eyebrows cheekily, “I don’t know about that.”

I punched him on the arm, blushing furiously.

“Ow! Calm down, Styles. Let’s go celebrate!”

 

I had thought that perhaps our celebrations were a little premature, after all, we could still have been voted out the next day, but I wasn’t going to start complaining when Louis was grinding up against me, both hands in the air and one holding a bottle of beer. It was fair to say that I had never been quite this drunk before, but even with my head spinning I could see the most beautiful person in the world right in front of me as clear as day.

The music pounded in my ears and the sweat trickled down my forehead and I was sure my hair had never looked quite so repulsive. My thoughts were interrupted by Louis’ face moving closer to mine. I had no idea what was happening, and I had certainly never been more shocked when his tongue darted out and he slowly licked a stripe up the side of my face, collecting the beads of sweat, before giving me a satisfied smirk and clambering up on the table to dance. I felt like I was on fire.

Light was already filtering in through the windows when I fell into bed with Louis for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oOH. next chapter is written and will be up soon :)
> 
> tumblr: infinitelylouis
> 
> as usual comments, kudos, subs and bookmarks make me happy xoxo


	4. first

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a while coming, i've been very busy with homework and moving rooms etc. usually i like to have another chapter ready-to-go, but i've barely started the next one. aaaanyway PREPARE YOURSELVES ITS HAPPENING THIS IS THE CHAPTER ITS NOT A DRILL

**Louis’ POV:**

I woke up to a warm back against my chest and curls in my face. I’d woken up with Harry a few times before, but I was fairly sure I had never actually gone to bed with him on any previous occasion. For a usually forgetful drunk, I could remember the events of last night worryingly vividly. I assumed that Harry wouldn’t remember much of it because, man, he was almost as drunk as me and I knew for a fact that hadn’t happened before. Thank God for that, though; I was pretty embarrassed about having _fucking licked him_. I mean, who in their right mind licks another person? Even if they are really, really attractive.

Eyelids heavy, I carefully climbed out of bed and covered Harry with the rest of the duvet. As I looked down at him snoring lightly, I wondered why I was thinking the same thoughts about him as I should have been about Hannah a mere few months ago. But how could I not, though? How could I not fall in love with Harry Styles? Admitting it to myself had taken weeks, and it was the scariest thing I had ever done, forget singing for millions of people.

I slunk downstairs to the kitchen, and heard Aiden shouting at me before I had even looked up, “Tommo! Torn yourself away from your husband this morning?”

I winced, placing my hand on my head and muttered, “Yeah alright, mate. Go easy on me; I had a rough night. How did you even know about that?”

Aiden nodded at Niall before laughing, “But come on, mate, _everyone_ knows about you and Harry.”

I gulped slightly before swatting his comment away, “There’s nothing to know about, Aiden.”

I ignored his sarcastic reply and walked over to Zayn and Liam, who were sitting quietly near the window.

“What’s up?” I asked them, perching next to Zayn.

“Li’s worried about tonight.” Zayn replied, patting his friend’s back.

Poor Liam, I had thought, this whole process was so much harder for him because he’d done it before. He really didn’t want to repeat two years ago.

“Don’t worry, Li. Did you see those fans last night? It’s going to be okay.” I tried to reassure him. I had complete faith in my boys, but somehow it was hard to convince them that they were as good as I knew they were.

Harry stumbling into the room aroused us from our conversation, and when I at his sleepy head, I didn’t even bother hiding the fond look for fear of being taunted by the others. He rubbed his tired eyes with a sweater paw and smiled bashfully at me before turning towards the girls.

 

I began to doubt my theory that Harry couldn’t remember last night about ten minutes before the results show, after he had been avoiding me all day. As soon as the other boys had left our dressing room, I decided to tackle him about it.

“You alright, Haz?” I reached out to touch his arm and he shifted slightly.

“Uh, yeah…what’s wrong?” He mumbled in reply.

“Well, you’ve been acting kind of weird all day and I was just wondering if it had something to do with -” He cut off my ramblings.

“Last night?”

“Yeah. Do you…remember any of it?” I asked cautiously.

“Lou, I remember _all_ of it.” He looked me in the eye for the first time.

“All of it? You mean even when I -”

“Time to go, lads!” Niall burst through the door and grabbed our arms, pulling us towards the stage door. I laughed internally at his timing.

From there I was split up from Harry until we were shoved on stage with Simon and the other groups. When the flashing lights hit my eyes, butterflies were beginning to rage in even my stomach, but as soon as I felt Harry’s hand firm on my shoulder, they settled to a light fluttering.

When I had sat at home watching X Factor with my family in previous years, we had shouted at the presenters for taking so long when announcing the results, though in reality it was only a few seconds. On stage it felt like years. When our group was finally called, we jumped in the air and screamed. The boys bundled fast around Simon and somehow I was on the outside of the group, their backs to me. I felt alone suddenly.

 

It was quarter past one that night (or really, the next morning) when I tiptoed downstairs to the pool, rolled my joggers up and dipped my still-tanned feet in the water. Obviously, I was being a major drama queen, but I was taking drama A Level, so who could blame me? The very idea of Harry remembering what I did last night made me want to curl up in a ball and die. Though it wasn’t a huge thing that I had done, we both knew it implied something far deeper. The thought that Harry might not want to be friends with me anymore absolutely terrified me.

It was twenty past one when Harry noiselessly sat down next to me and drew shapes in the water with his toes. His hand was placed close to mine, but never touching.

“Harry, I’m so sorry about yesterday,” I blurted, “it didn’t mean anything, I -”

“Don’t apologise, Louis. It’s fine.” He replied softly.

“But it’s not though, is it Harry? You just called me Louis. You never call me Louis.” I stared at my feet.

He laughed gently, “Okay, sorry: Lou. Boo bear. Boo. Lewis.”

“Shut up!” I chuckled, nudging his leg with my own.

“But, seriously, Lou…it really didn’t mean anything?” I locked eyes with him, “Because it was a pretty weird thing to do, y’know?”

“Yeah, it was pretty weird,” I breathed, my mind lost in his eyes. I shook my head, “but I was pretty drunk.”

“You’re not drunk now.” He said in a virtual whisper.

Then suddenly I realised that he wasn’t mad or upset about what I had done, he had just been a bit confused. And maybe, just maybe, he felt exactly the same as I did. I’m not sure if I would ever have taken the risk had it not been for him looking at me in that one moment with all the hope in the world.

I don’t know who leaned first, I like to think it was me taking that step, but we probably both did it together. All I knew was that I could now feel his beautiful, soft lips on mine. His _lips_ that I had stared at, that I had thought about for hours. They were everything I wanted as his arms wrapped around my waist and my fingers combed through his messy curls and he groaned a little. The kiss remained innocent when our mouths opened and our tongues slipped out. We explored each other on levels we had never before, and all of a sudden we were even more connected than we had been prior.

As we moved apart, Harry sighed and I felt an immediate pull towards him. Somehow I already _missed_ the boy who was curling into my arms.

“Lou…its not wrong to like boys is it?” He asked tentatively, head in my lap.

“No. I’ve never liked a boy before, though.” I replied honestly. I liked kissing girls, I really did, but it didn’t compare to kissing Harry.

“So you like me!” He exclaimed, before turning his face into my tummy, “Good, because I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

I didn’t feel alone in any way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew i'm glad that's over with.
> 
> as i said the next chapter isn't finished yet, but it'll be up when i have a bit more time :)
> 
> tumblr: infinitelylouis
> 
> as always kudos, comments, subs and bookmarks would be fab!


	5. uncovering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay this chapter is fluffly. i love fluffy chapters. i hope you love my fluffy chapter.

**Harry’s POV:**

The first time I woke up encased in Louis’ arms, I thought I was still dreaming. When I fully woke up, they were the only things that could prove the night before was real. I had never been shy with people I liked, but with Louis I had felt like I needed some reassurance that he wanted what I wanted. I had waited for him to lean first, but the second after, I was lunging towards him myself, everything I had built up for the past few weeks suddenly spilling out. I had felt everything I was supposed to feel: butterflies, fireworks, the lot. I had always liked kissing, kissing was great, but with Louis it was on a whole other level. I had got half-hard from him just touching my hair.

Taking in his smell, I shifted around in his arms so that I was facing him. Unsurprisingly, he was already awake. And suddenly I was nervous; what if he didn’t mean what he had said and done last night? But then he looked at me in a way that made me feel like I was going to melt, like I was a hundred times my size.

He kissed my forehead gently, “Hey.”

“Hey,” I breathed, relief washing over me like a wave.

“You okay?” He asked with concern.

“Better,” I grinned.

After a minute of silence, me breathing Louis in and drawing patterns along his spine, he spoke up, “What are we going to tell the others?”

My heart spiked when he mentioned the other boys that lived in our room. I soon settled when I realised that none of them were around. They would just have assumed that Louis had crawled into bed for a late night cuddle, as usual. I wasn’t ashamed of who I was, and I certainly wasn’t ashamed of Louis, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell the boys straight out what we were. At that point I wasn’t even sure what we were myself.

“Well…we don’t have to tell them. Or we could. I don’t know; you choose.” I stuttered.

“Baby,” Louis laughed (and I melted), “it’s okay. We can just…play it cool? And if they find out, that’s fine too.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “sounds perfect.”

We concluded that coming downstairs separately would probably be more suspicious than coming together. As we walked down side by side, everyone around the table looked up at us. They smirked and started laughing a little, before shovelling their breakfasts into their mouths.

“What’s going on?” Louis asked when we reached the ground.

“I think I should be asking _you_ that.” Niall replied, mouth full to bursting with cereal.

My face burned red, but Louis continued to play cool, “What are you talking about?” He grabbed a rash of bacon from Liam’s plate.

“You and Mr Styles over here. Canoodling by the pool late at night - naughty, naughty.” Liam snatched the bacon from Louis and proceeded to stuff it into his mouth.

I shoved my face into my hands as Louis shouted, “Hey, how did you -”

“Well,” Cher cut him off, “I saw two people by the pool when I went to get some water last night.”

“And I saw you two both get out of bed…and come back.” Zayn piped up, hiding his smile.

“So,” Cher continued, “I just asked about it this morning and -”

“I would’ve kept quiet, guys,” Zayn promised, “I really would, but when Cher told us about the pool, I just had to.”

“We all knew it would happen at some point,” Niall commented, “it was just a matter of time. We’re all glad you got it over with and diffused some of the bloody sexual tension!”

I peeked out from between my fingertips at everyone’s smiling faces and realised, no, it didn’t really matter that they knew - they were all happy for us. I looked at Louis sheepishly.

He sighed and sat down, filling his plate with food, “I suppose I should’ve known the pool wasn’t the most private place in the world.”

I breathed out in relief at the calm atmosphere and sat down next to Louis, eating my breakfast quietly and listening to the content hum of chatter. After a few minutes I felt Louis’ hand rest on my knee and rub it reassuringly. When I looked up at him, I saw that he was conversing with the Belle Amie girls, but his lips turned up slightly when I squeezed his finger gently.

 

I was searching for my phone in a mess of Zayn’s hair products that evening, when I heard Louis and Liam’s sluggish footsteps approaching.

“You know, you’d better keep it on the down-low to Simon and the crew about you and Harry,” Liam’s voice warned from along the corridor.

“What do you - what the fuck, man?” Louis’ voice was raised, “I thought you were cool with this, but if you’re gonna be a dick about it because of your -”

“No, no, Louis! It’s nothing like that; I’m really happy for you two. I just…you know how big they are on ‘no relationships in the house‘. You’ve always been touchy-feely, but I think you probably shouldn’t explicitly tell them you’re together.” Liam explained.

“Oh, ‘coz you’re worried it’s gonna get you kicked off?” Louis replied coldly.

“Well, actually, yes - I _am_ partly telling you this for the good of the band, but I also just want you two to be able to get through this without any problems from anyone. You two are really good together.” Liam clarified. I smiled despite myself.

“Oh, uh, thanks, man. Look, I’m sorry, I just…I really like Harry, like, a lot. I don’t want something to happen so soon. I mean, I’ve liked him since he accidentally peed on me at the auditions. I think that says something.” Louis admitted. By this point I was sitting on the bed, hands over my face to cover my grin.

When Louis walked into the bedroom, alone, I bashed my head on the top bunk because I stood up so fast. I coughed awkwardly and ran my fingers through my hair, an attempt to act naturally.

“How much of that did you hear?” Louis asked nervously.

“…All of it?” I tried.

“I, uh -”

“You really liked me when I got pee on you?” I smiled, confidence seeping through me.

Louis breathed a sigh of relief and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me. He buried his head in my neck and kissed it softly, fingers retuning to my hair: where they belonged. He continued to press kisses into my jaw line as I exhaled shakily. My heart raced and all that went through my mind was a continuous stream of _LouisLouisLouisLouis_. The very idea that Louis could possibly have the same feelings for me as I did for him sent my brain into a frenzy.

“Of _course_ I liked you; you’re perfect.” He murmured.

I laughed gently, “Don’t be silly, Lou.”

“Okay,” He pulled away, taking my face in his hands, “I know - nobody’s perfect, blah blah. But I think, maybe,” he looked at me through hooded eyes, “you’re just about perfect for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw ok so i'm still pretty busy, but there'll definitely be a chapter up within the next week.
> 
> tumblr: infinitelylouis
> 
> as always comments, kudos, subs and bookmarks make my life :)
> 
> ((ps i wrote a oneshot called 'sixth sense' if you wanna check it out for something completely different))


	6. the end/a new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm SO sorry that this took me a while to update, but i was super busy as i just went away to see all time low (yes it was fantastic thinks for asking). i also just found this chapter really hard to write. it's not that exciting but it is important.

**Louis’ POV:**

The video diaries had been Simon’s idea; they were a strange thought that I firstly dismissed to be just another publicity scheme. However, after our first performance and after some questions had been sent in, they really started to mould to our personalities. Fans were already avidly tweeting us, even if they were all fourteen-year-old girls, and Simon was giving us total freedom with them. I hated having to talk about what I looked for in a girl with Harry sitting behind me, but I laughed out loud when he said ‘a pretty face’. It was so utterly ridiculous - the complete opposite of Harry. Firstly: anyone with eyes could see that he was gay, or so I assumed; and secondly: he was the least superficial person I had ever met. He would never judge anyone based on their looks, he was the kind of person who could read someone’s soul in an instant.

In our third video, we were scolded for being too ‘loved-up’. We tried not to laugh because, man, the producers had no idea. In my defence, it was hard to not look completely in love with Harry when it had just been confirmed that we were actually _together._ As we were cuddling in his bed, he had asked me, “Lou, what are we?”

After I had considered it a moment, I replied, “What do you want us to be?”

“No! C’mon, you’ve got to do it properly!” He had blushed, burying his face in my chest.

I had mustered up all the courage I had and said, “Harry Styles, will you be my boyfriend?”

Harry’s face had lit up as though he had not been expecting the words to come out of my mouth, and he had flung his arms around me, “Yes!”

The warm feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach had spread through me and had been released in a joyous giggle as I held him close. From that moment onwards I was sure that I could never spend the rest of my life with anyone except the boy I held in my arms.

 

 

The rest of our X Factor experience flew by in a whirlwind of practices, performances, video diaries, stolen kisses and rushed hand jobs in the shower (usually ending in my having to cover Harry’s mouth to stop him from shouting out).

Making a video diary had become our second favourite part of each week, after performing on Saturdays. The occasional slip-ups form me and Harry were hardly noticed by the building fan base. The girls were far more interested in obsessing over Harry and Liam, referring to me as just a ‘joker’. I tried not to let it bother me, I was well aware that I was the clown, and that I appeared to have the weakest voice in the group.

Every time we were assigned our parts when rehearsing a new song, and every time I wasn’t given a solo, Harry would hold me close after rehearsal and whisper how important I was. That made up for everything. The one day I cried, he found me and kissed my tears away. He was the most supportive person I could hope for and I was certain that he was far too good for me. The week I jokingly said I would marry him during a video diary, I assured him as we were drifting off to sleep that ‘one day’ I would.

Then somehow we had already arrived at finals week. We made our last stupid video diary in the gym instead of on the stairs, and rehearsed our final songs. We all became embarrassingly nostalgic when rehearsing ‘Torn’ again, a song which had become a favourite for me and Harry. Performing with Robbie Williams was a dream come true, but ‘Torn’ meant more somehow. All week we had been told by Simon to believe in ourselves, and that he had faith in us, but even I was terrified. We all wanted so badly to make it, to do well as a band; we didn’t want to even consider going home. I knew that we would remain friends either way, we were far too close to split apart, but I didn’t want to think about living miles and miles away from the boys, particularly Harry.

 

 

Saturday night had gone as planned, with us receiving inspiring comments from all the judges. We were all feeling good about the next night, and we were especially excited for the fans to hear ‘Torn’ again. It was undoubtedly my favourite performance we’d ever done. I had felt strong and empowered and happy - happier than ever. I had wrapped my arm around Harry’s waist on stage, not caring what anyone thought, and when he responded by putting his hand on my shoulder, my heart surged.

It dropped when Rebecca’s name was called. All my dreams were crashing down and I tried desperately now to let my walls go with them. I finally let them fall with everyone else’s when we returned to the house for our last night. We sat on the floor of our room and snivelled, Harry burying his head in my neck and sobbing into it. After what felt like hours of numb silence, Niall piped up in a shaky voice, “H-hey, let’s not be so glum. We’re gonna stick together, right lads?”

We smiled sadly. We appreciated his positivity, but we all knew it just wouldn’t be the same. I spent the night curled up next to Harry, thinking about things I could do to keep his curly hair as close to me as possible. I wasn’t ready to stop being more used to smelling him on me than myself. My thoughts resulted in nothing; Harry was going to stay at home for college for another two years, and he was too young to move away. I sighed and turned away form him, but it was no use - I could still feel his heat radiating against my back.

 

 

The next morning, we were woken up early and told to dress smartly because a car would be here in half an hour. We hurriedly put on our best jeans and blazers, muttering about when was going on, before jumping into the swish black car that turned up outside the house. After the short journey spent in uncomfortable silence, we climbed out and frowned at the unknown location. We stared up at the tall building, before being rushed inside by a man we did not know. When we were shoved into an office on the twentieth floor, we stopped short as we noticed Simon sitting behind the desk, along with some other people dressed in suits.

“Boys! Good to see you, take a seat. And calm down a little, you all look petrified!” Simon exclaimed.

As we sat down, Harry looked at me worriedly, so I took his hand under the desk and squeezed it gently. The crease in his forehead melted away.

“Okay, so I’m sure you’re all still upset from last night, but I have a bit of an idea for you. I’ve been saying all week how I honestly thought you were going to win, and I _did_. I really have faith in you guys, which is why I want to sign you on to my record label.”

Zayn choked on the water he was drinking, Liam’s jaw dropped and Harry’s hand clenched in mine.

“I know, it’s sudden, but I think we could really make something of you guys. We’re signing Cher and Rebecca as well, but I reckon you boys could take on America.” Simon explained.

All of our eyes were wide and I gulped, taking in what Simon had said. He continued to explain about the deal, moving to London, and eventually working on an album. Our fear was beginning to trickle away, to be replaced with excitement. A record deal? London? _An album?_ We had though we’d have to start all over with the band; attempt to work something out while spread across the country. Now we were practically being handed it on a plate. It didn’t take much discussion for us to reach a decision.

We spent hours in that room, in a tornado of contracts and lectures. When we stepped out into the cold sun, we all knew that we weren’t ‘That Boyband off the X Factor’ anymore - we were One Direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha this was shitty sorry. hopefully i can get another more interesting chapter up before i go away again.
> 
> tumblr: infinitelylouis
> 
> as per i love to see comments and kudos.


	7. brand new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO sorry that i haven't updated in almost three weeks. however, i do have excuses: the day i was going to write this ended up being the day it was announced that zayn was leaving. obviously, i was very upset and i didn't feel like writing for a few days, and then i went on holiday for two weeks. i only got back last night and i've been furiously writing this to get up today.
> 
> on the zayn situation: i'm still sad, but generally in a more numb, missing 1/5 of my heart kinda way, as opposed the the original searing pain. also i want to say please don't judge him too harshly or make an rash decisions on whether he might be 'betraying us' or not. as we're all aware, we can never be sure what's going on with modest! etc. (even though they might have left???!!) and the stuff with naughty boy ie. the demo, and the quote on the 1d facebook page may not even be legit. try to have a bit of faith in the man you know. also, support the other four, if anything i love them even more.
> 
> ps SMUT WARNING for this chapter

**Harry’s POV:**

“I can’t believe we’re all living on the same street! This is so cool! We can go partying every night and come over whenever we want to and -”

“Yeah, okay Nialler, calm down.” Liam laughed at his friend.

“No, Liam, I have _my own house_. My own house, next to my four best friends and _their own houses!”_ Niall continued to gush.

We all looked along the street, smiling up at our beautiful houses and wondering just how Simon pulled this one off. As much as we laughed at him, we were all just as excited as Niall to live together in London. I couldn’t, in a million years, have imagined all this when I auditioned almost a year ago. I felt an arm snake around my waist and lips near my ear, “Welcome home.”

Louis’ breath made warmth rise through me as I stared at our house. _Our_ house: just mine and Louis’. Where we could be together all the time, no one telling us what we could and couldn’t do inside those walls. Obviously, we had to ask for a two-bedroom to share, as no one knew about us yet, but in reality we would only be using one of them. When we were unpacking, the smaller bedroom had looked upsettingly empty, so I made Louis put some of his things in there. It also seemed to make sense that if anyone came round, one bedroom wouldn’t look unoccupied. Secretly, I was longing for the day that I could tell everyone about us, but respected that maybe it wasn’t the best idea to start off our career as a boy band with two gay and taken members.

When we had gone home to get our things and say an _au revoir_ to our parents, I had insisted that Louis come to Holmes Chapel with me, and he that I go to Doncaster. I had assured my mum on the phone that she would love Louis, but she had exceeded even my expectations. We had stayed a few nights, and mum and Gemma had taken to Louis like family. My visit to Doncaster had gone just as well. Though I couldn’t be sure of how they felt about me, Louis’ mum and sister seemed to like me as much as I liked them. Jay was already motherly about me, and Louis wasn’t very good at hiding his adoring smile when I played with the girls. Leaving had been hard, but my parents knew how much I wanted this, and were incredibly proud to let me go.

I turned to face Louis and gave him a quick, innocent kiss (not that it stopped Zayn from making dramatic retching noises) before joining us all in a group hug.

“Boys,” Louis grinned, “are you ready for the rest of our lives?”

 

 

I shut the front door behind us and sighed, “So, this is our house.”

“Yep,” A smile played at Louis’ lips, “our house. Just us, no one else…alone.”

I gasped a little and my head started whirring. Strangely enough, I had thought about making dinner for the two of us, and doing our laundry, and watching TV together, but somehow my mind hadn’t made it any further. Suddenly I was drowning in images. Images that I wanted to make happen, but was a little scared of. At the X Factor, we wee constantly watched, and never had time alone; the furthest we’d got was a quick hand job in the shower.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Louis cupped my face in his hands and whispered to me. His blue eyes were so soft that I fell into him, holding him close against me.

“No, Lou, I want that. I do…it’s just -”

“Scary? I know, but it’s me. It’s only me, there’s nothing to worry about.” He stroked my cheek. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if it being Louis made it more or less scary. I mean, completely exposing yourself is bad enough, but to the person I loved the most? It was terrifying. On the other hand, I utterly trusted Louis, and never wanted anyone _but_ him.

“I know, I know,” I breathed, “I trust you.”

Louis’ face contorted into something mildly disbelieving, as if he couldn’t comprehend that I was putting all my faith in him. He kissed me deeply, his hands running through my hair. All the air was knocked out of me, but the only thing I could think about was Louis’ lips and hands as I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He gasped a little but continued kissing me, turning us around and walking towards the stairs.

“Sorry, Haz, but I’m not carrying you up the stairs.” He muttered.

I lowered myself down to the floor, “You calling me fat?”

He beamed, grabbing my hand and pulling me upstairs and into our bedroom. He saw the nerves flash in my eyes and kissed my forehead softly. Then my eyelids, my nose, my cheeks and, finally, my lips. I was again reassured that I was definitely doing this with the right person. I started tugging at his shirt to show that I was ready, and he responded by pulling it off, along with mine. He giggled a little.

“What?” I asked.

“It’s just…I forgot: you have four nipples.” He covered his smile with his hand.

I blushed, “Shut up.” I fiddled with his belt, attempting to rid him of his jeans.

“Wait. What do you want to do? I know this I your first time, and…well this is my first time with a guy, too, but I - uh - I researched a little and -”

“You - you _researched?_ Oh my god, Lou, that’s so cute!” I chuckled, suddenly free from all nerves.

“Yeah, alright, anyway, I just…I don’t want to push you. You know what you want to do?” He looked concerned.

“I mean, I’m not sure I’m ready to, y’know, but…I wanna suck you off.” I chewed my lip. I had found out when I was fifteen that I had no gag reflex, and had put it to use once, discovering that I had some strange love for giving head.

“What? You want to suck _me_ off?” Louis asked in disbelief.

“Uh, yeah. Kinda a lot.” I admitted.

“Well,” Louis shimmied out of his jeans, “I’m not complaining.”

I fingered at the waistband of his underwear, and I was genuinely breath taken when I removed them, “Louu,” I sighed, “your dick’s almost as pretty as you.”

“God, Styles, Louis laughed, “stop waxing lyrical about my cock and get your fucking mouth on it.”

I obeyed, kitten licking his slit as I held the base and looked up at him through my eyelashes.

“Fuck, Harry, you’re gonna kill me already.” He moaned.

I grinned to myself and swirled my tongue around, taking in his flavour before wrapping my mouth around the head and bobbing a little. I relaxed my jaw and attempted to take a deep breath as I lowered down, keeping my tongue against the pulsing vein on the underside. I could feel him trying not to buck his hips, and I really didn’t want him to hold back.

I pulled off and looked him in the eye, “Use me.”

I knew the combination of what I was saying and the fact that my voice was already wrecked was making him weak, but he managed an, “Are you - are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine…I like it.”

His pupils were blown as he gently placed my head back down and I continued. He fucked my mouth, but never too hard, and pulled slightly at my hair. Suddenly I was getting really, really hard. I had known I loved people playing with my hair, but this was something else.

I removed my mouth again and begged, “Pull it harder.”

Louis complied, and my moans around his cock, as well as my hands playing with his balls soon sent him toppling over the edge, with a stream of ‘Harry’s falling from his lips. A mixture of this, him pulling on my hair and his face when he came saw me spilling into my underwear, untouched.

I shuffled up the bed to join him and kissed him, letting him taste himself in my mouth. As his breathing recovered, he uttered a single, “Oh my god.”

We lay there for a few seconds before he realised, “Fuck, let me get you off. I’m so sorry!”

“Uh, I kinda already…um.” I was embarrassed of how much of a sixteen year-old boy I had been.

“What? You didn’t even touch yourself.” Louis’ eyes were wide.

“Well…you’re really gorgeous. Especially during an orgasm. And you did the hair thing.” I reasoned.

“Fuck, baby,” He brought my head forward and kissed my lips softly, “you’re amazing, you know? Particularly that mouth of yours.”

Heat rose inside of me, “I’ve been told that before.”

“How many times?” he seemed a little jealous.

“Oh, I’ve only done it once before.” I assured him.

“Only once?! Jesus, Harry, it’s like a god-given gift or something.” Louis exclaimed.

I flushed a little, “I think you were probably distracted by the moaning.”

“So, you like having your hair pulled, huh?” He smirked.

I nodded shyly.

“I think I could use that to my advantage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh god was it awful??? sorry kill me
> 
> so i'm back to school tomorrow but i'll try to get something up soon, definitely in the next week.
> 
> as per, comments and kudos are much appreciated xoxo


	8. settling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i KNOW it's been a while i'm sorry i'm sorry. i'm not gonna promise the next one will be up soon either, but i genuinely am really busy. so sorry to anyone who may be following this story for the next month bc it's gonna be slow going.
> 
> this chapter is all cute and domesticated i hope you like it.

**Louis’ POV:**

I had only lived with Harry for a week and I already knew he was going to be the death of me. Yeah, we were giving a _lot_ of blowjobs (neither of us were really ready for anything else), but just waking up to Harry’s breakfasts and clean laundry was enough for me to realise that this was what I wanted. For the rest of my life.

“Lou! You up yet, Boo?” Harry called, nudging the door open with his hip. He was carrying a tray filled with what I could already tell would be a beautiful continental breakfast. The scent of warm croissant wafted over to me and I sat up in the double bed, suddenly very hungry.

“Oh, darling. You are just -”

“I know.” He coloured, placing the tray on my lap and joining me on his side of the bed, “Eat your fruit.”

I sighed at the fresh fruit plate, “Are you sure I can’t just have the croi -”

“No. You need some fruit!” He slapped my hand, tucking his legs under the cover and leaning his head on my shoulder.

“You’re so caring,” I smiled, kissing his forehead.

“Well, someone’s got to make sure you’re staying healthy.” Harry replied, feeding me a chunk of watermelon.

“You know, I’ve got to take you out for a McDonald’s sometime,” I said mid-mouthful.

“McDonald’s?! Do you know what they put in that stuff -”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, just you wait until you try a Big Mac.” I waved his concern away.

“I think you’re going to have to aim a bit higher with your date ideas if you want to keep me.” He folded his arms.

I choked on my pineapple.

“What?” He turned to me.

“Sorry, I just…it’s weird to hear it out loud.” I stammered.

“Oh.” Harry frowned.

“No! No, not bad weird…like, good weird. Really good. Really.” I touched his arm reassuringly. He forced out smile, which I quickly kissed and mussed up his hair.

“You only moved in with me so you could be domestic, didn’t you? You weirdo.”

“How did you know?” Harry replied, adding, “’m not weird.”

“Just teasing, love,” I stroked the side of his face tenderly, “one of us has got to do the cooking.”

He made an indignant noise, before excitedly sitting up on his knees (almost knocking over my tea), “So…it’s nearly Christmas. Like, very nearly. And more importantly, your birthday. And I _know_ we’re going to be home for both, but I really want to get you something amazing to give you afterwards. So, what do you want?”

I sighed, pushing my tray off my lap and pulling Harry onto it, _“All I want for Christmas is you._ ” I sang into his ear.

“Yeah, well, too bad! I’m getting you something. Two things, in fact.” He replied firmly.

“Okay, okay. Um…maybe some Toms? I’ve wanted a pair for ages and I know they’re kind summery, but…”

“Alright, some Toms. And…?” Harry pushed.

“Uh…oh, I don’t know, Harry. Surprise me.”

A little smile tugged at his lips and his eyes sparkled. He finally seemed content to settles down in my arms, head buried in my chest. He radiated warmth on the darkest, coldest day of the year, and I couldn’t have been any happier.

 

 

Little to Harry’s knowledge, I was watching his Christmas Eve Twitcam holed up in my old room on the night of my birthday. He had told me that he would Skype me at half past eleven so that he could wish me a happy birthday, then we could start Christmas together. I could tell he was impatient and restless during his live stream: he was being quieter than usual. His little texts throughout the day (‘happy bday lou!xxx’, ‘5 hours till xmas x’, ‘3 hours till xmas xx’, etc.) had also not gone unnoticed. And not just by me. During our day out ice skating and film watching, Lottie and Fizzy had sniggered whenever my phone beeped and my face lit up with a subconscious smile when I saw the message.

My heart leapt when he brought out a beautifully wrapped package, complete with a bow. I could tell by the shape that it was a shoebox, and I smiled at the memory of him begging me to tell him what I wanted. I couldn’t stop staring at his flushed cheeks and his extra tight curls (he had clearly washed his hair recently) under his little Santa hat. His words merged into background noise as I lost myself in the ache. I missed the boy I hadn’t touched or smelled in only days, the boy who was clearly waiting to see me again, the boy I had fallen suddenly in love with in no time at all. I wasn’t dramatic in matters of the heart (even if that was the only thing I wasn’t dramatic in), but Harry had done something to me and turned everything upside down. He was the kind of person who could come rushing into your life out of the blue and change it so radically that you couldn’t imagine what it was like to live without him. And I was terrified that he could leave just as abruptly.

I was roused from my thoughts by his live stream ending and his name flashing upon my screen. I coughed and shook my head, before clicking on the green button. I was immediately greeted by his angelic voice singing, _“Happy birthday to Lou, happy birthday to Lou, happy birthday dear Louis, happy birthday to Lou!”_

I blushed furiously, smile threatening to break my face, “Thanks, baby.”

“How was your day?” He asked interestedly.

“It was so good, Haz, really. They made such an effort. We went skating and we watched Grease _and_ Love Actually. At which I definitely did not cry for the forty second time.”

Harry laughed, “So, best birthday ever?”

“Quite possibly. But…I think I might have some pretty good ones to come.” I smirked, “There’s just one thing that might have made this one better.”

“Oh, really? What’s that? A new Playstation?” Harry replied cheekily.

“No, Harold.” I sighed.

“Okay…football tickets?” He tried, pretending to look deep in thought.

“No!”

“It wasn’t socks, was it?”

“Bloody hell, Harry, it’s you, you git!” I yelled, giggling a little.

Harry beamed, “I know.”

“Fuck _off.”_ I muttered. He looked pleased with himself.

“How about you? How was your Christmas Eve?” I asked.

“Not Christmas Eve, I’ve renamed it Louis Day. Anyway, it was lovely, thanks for asking. Gem and I made the stuffing for tomorrow, and I FaceTimed the other boys.”

“Oh, shit!” I exclaimed, pulling out my phone and sending them each at text ordering them to have the happiest Christmas ever.

“Too busy thinking about me, eh?” Harry interrupted.

I gave him a virtual slap, “Too busy thinking about myself. My birthday, remember?”

“Speaking of that, I’ve got your present here. Wrapped it myself.” He held up the gift proudly.

I resisted the urge to say _‘I know_ ’ and instead just smiled and said, “Isn’t that cute? Thank you, love.”

After catching the smile on his face, I glanced down at the corner of my screen, and realised that there were only two minutes until midnight.

“Haz? It’s 11:58.” I told him.

“Nearly Christmas!” His eyes lit up like Christmas trees.

I grinned at the child in him, and held up a piece of mistletoe.

“Lou, don’t tease me. I already want to kiss you enough.”

I hung my head in embarrassment, “Soon.”

“Yeah. Anyway, let’s count it down.”

“It’s not New Year’s Eve, Harold. There is no countdown.” I reminded him, chuckling.

“I don’t care. Let’s just count down anyway, and whenever we reach zero, it’s Christmas, okay? Ten.” He began.

“Nine,” I continued.

We fell into sync, “Eight, seven, six, five…”

I could see his smile getting wider and his eyes getting brighter with each number we counted.

“…four, three, two, one."

There was no big shout like there was for New Year; there were no fireworks or clinks of champagne glasses. We just sat there for a moment, staring at each other and thinking about how even if we wouldn’t see each other this Christmas, it would be our best one yet because we were with each other in spirit, even if not in body.

After a while I heard a whisper come from Harry, “Merry Christmas, Boobear.”

“Merry Christmas, baby.”

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw i miss those days so much. next chapter they'll be reunited don't panic.
> 
> see you soon, comments and kudos would make my day.
> 
> tumblr: infintelylouis


	9. home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another one. it's kinda cute.

**Harry’s POV:**

I could hardly keep still on the train to London. I hadn’t seen my boys for mere days and I was already getting separation anxiety. Spending Christmas with mum, Robin and Gemma had been wonderful; they were all incredibly supportive, but I had felt like I missed a presence when we were unwrapping presents on Christmas morning. Skyping Louis had helped, but I really just needed to see his face in person when he opened my gift. He knew about the Toms, that wasn’t what I was excited about, it was his Christmas present that I was so eagerly anticipating.

I had been texting him all day, so I knew that he was already home despite Doncaster being further from London, having got a much earlier train. I’d also forgotten my keys, so I shivered on the doorstep as I stood out in the rain, pressing the doorbell repeatedly. When Louis opened the door, a look of annoyance was replaced with elation as he flung his arms around me and held me close.

After a few seconds, I said into his shoulder, “Not that I’m not enjoying this, Lou, but I’m a bit cold and wet.”

He removed his arms and grabbed my bags, before ushering me inside and closing the door. I shuddered against the warm radiator, and he stepped forward to remove my coat. His finger curled around a loose piece of my hair as he pulled me in closer at the waist, looking me straight in the eye before kissing me fiercely. It was a strange sort of kiss, as if he couldn’t wait to do it, but he had lingered around anyway. Soon his tongue was exploring my mouth and I could taste home. Eggs and coffee and Louis and _home_. My fingers played with the hem of his t-shirt, at which point he pulled away sighing, “I’ve missed you so much.”

I beamed, tucking my head into his shoulder and picking up my bags, “Let’s go upstairs.”

When we were in our room, I began unpacking my bag, but was stopped by Louis saying, “Woah, woah, woah, we’d better get you out of those wet clothes first.”

I smirked, warning, “Louis.”

“Well,” he stepped forward and began peeling off my shirt, “we wouldn’t want you catching a cold.”

“You know you can’t actually -” I was cut off by Louis’ warm hands on my chest.

“Shh, baby, let me take care of you for once.” He unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, pausing to look at me before shucking them down.

I had blushed, but stepped out of my trousers all the same, “I think my underwear’s fine -”

Louis dropped onto his knees and I managed to say exactly nothing. To be fair, most of my blood was heading in another direction. Suddenly my pants were on the floor and Louis’ hands were around my dick. I gasped, but silenced myself quickly. Louis had only blown me a few times before, but his mouth worked wonders that my hand hadn’t been able for the past few days. Soon I was encased by a perfect wet warmth, swallowing me down. I used all my willpower not to buck into his mouth as he swirled his tongue around. I realised that I would be coming to an embarrassingly quick finish, so reached down to pull Louis through with me. I came before him, with him trying as hard as he could to swallow everything as I shouted his name over and over. Soon after, he was coming too, biting into my thigh and causing me to moan again.

We flopped onto the bed and curled into each other, “I’ve missed you too,” I whispered.

He laughed, “Is this what you’re in it for?”

“Shut up, of course it’s not,” I rolled my eyes.

“So, you’ve had your Christmas present. Where’s mine?” He asked.

I contorted my face into something shocked.

“Ugh, of course I’ve got you something, I just want to open mine first!”He replied as I walked of over to my case and pulled out two packages, one larger that the other.

“Open the big one first.” I ordered.

He complied, ripping off the paper and gasping when he saw the box. He pulled out a pair of khaki green Toms, “How did you know?!”

“I’ve no idea.” I hid a smile.

“Okay, your turn.” He produced a gift from under the bed.

I looked at him wryly, but began carefully peeling the tape off the sides. I heard Louis sigh, but I continued until I had unwrapped a purple Jack Wills hoodie, perfectly folded.

“Aw, Boo, it’s perfect.” I grinned, slipping the soft fabric onto my bare chest.

“Thanks for cooking my food for me. So far.”

I kissed him quickly, before handing him his second present. He rattled the object next to his ear, then tore off the wrapping paper and took in his breath sharply. I had had a backstage photo of us from X Factor framed; it was a shot of the two of us at boot camp just after we had been told that we were being put into a group. Louis was in my arms, his legs wrapped around my waist and our faces both pictures of pure joy. He opened his mouth to say something, but I told him to read the card underneath. I watched his reaction as he read my note of thanks for helping make me into the person I was.

He looked up, eyes lost in something I wasn’t sure of, then pressed his head against mine. The words that neither of us could say lingered on both of our tongues.

I coughed, attempting to dissimulate what was most likely written all over my face, “I uh…I never want you to forget it.”

He laughed a little, “How could I possibly?”

 

 

Niall was already running around like a headless chicken, and it was only 7:30. He had called us all up a few hours ago, asking us to come to his at 7:00 for a belated house(s)warming and Christmas party. Seemingly, he hadn’t quite appreciated the complexity of his first ‘dinner party’. Louis, Liam, Zayn and I sat laughing and chatting in his living room as he ran to and from the kitchen, transporting various snacks and beverages (predominantly beer).

“Oh, god! The chicken’s still raw!”

We heart a cry from the kitchen.

We shot worried expressions at each other.

“…oh, no. It’s just the bacon. Panic over!”

Niall had gone for a classic roast chicken for our first meal together. I had acknowledged that it was quite a big ask of one teenage boy, and had offered my help, which had been rudely refused. I seemed to remember something along the lines of, _“Fuck off, Harold, you think I can’t cook a bloody chicken by meself?”_

Half an hour later, he came into the dining room, proudly displaying a beautifully roasted chicken. We passed round the vegetables as Liam took a stab at carving (hah), and eventually settled down to begin.

“Well, I’d like to say on behalf of all of us: thank you Niall. It looks wonderful, mate.” I patted my Irish friend on the back.

“And _I,”_ Louis cleared his throat, “would like to say a prayer. Thank you God for all your beautiful chickens, not to mention all your other creatures, and also thank you Simon Cowell…for having a shit tonne of money. I love living in London.”

 

 

I slumped into bed late that night with Louis curled around me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so those of you who like a bit of drama dONT WORRY IT'S COMING. probably next chapter. and those of you who don't like drama, i wouln't worry either bc it won't be too dramatic, and it shouldn't last too long. we'll see.
> 
> as usual comments and kudos mean a lot, and please subscribe if you want to read more xoxo
> 
> tumblr: infinitelylouis


	10. change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obvs i'm a bit angry with zayn atm, but he's still going to feature in the story the same way he would have before.
> 
> so this chapter isn't that interesting, but it IS important. i am aware that this probably isn't how all the business stuff works, and it is slightly dramatised for the purposes of this fic.

**Louis’ POV:**

It was 7:30 the next morning when I groggily reached over a sleeping Harry to get the phone. I swore that boy could sleep through anything when he wanted to, but then again, two years ago, so could I.

“Hello?” I whispered into the receiver, swinging my legs out of bed and getting up.

_“Mr Tomlinson?_ ” A stern, female voice replied.

“…yes.”

_“We would like you and Harry to meet us at the office you came to last week. A car will be outside for you in half an hour. I hope that isn’t too inconvenient.”_ The woman soundly completely desensitised.

“Uh, okay. Is Simon going to be there?” I was trying to lead the band as best I could, being the eldest, but I was stumbling into the music industry with no idea where to go, and I was relying on Simon to be my eyes.

_“Yes, of course. We look forward to seeing you then.”_ The phone was slammed down and a monotonous tone sounded in my ear.

I shook my head, confused, then slipped into my hoodie. I didn’t understand at all what was going on with these black cars escorting us to offices in secret locations; it all seemed very cloak-and-dagger to me. I sat down on Harry’s side of the bed, gently pressing kisses into his forehead and whispering morning greetings.

“Hmm? What time is it, Lou?” He rubbed his sleepy eyes.

“It’s only 7:30, babe, I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s going to be full English this morning - we’re getting taken to a meeting at 8:00.” I stroked through his hair.

“A meeting? For what?” He asked, slowly sitting up.

“I don’t know, I just got a phone call saying to be at the office from last time. Simons going to be there, too.” I smiled, not sure if I was trying to reassure myself or Harry.

“So we’ve gotta go soon?”

“Mmhm.”

“No time for cooked breakfast. Not even time for…say, a morning blowjob?”

“…well.”

 

 

It was exactly 8:32 when we were shoved into a board room, different from last time, where we found, to my surprise, none of the other boys. I only saw Simon, and two other people I vaguely recognised from the label or management or something.

“Uh, hey Si. What’s going on? Where are the others?” I tried to act calm as Harry and I took our seats.

“Oh, this doesn’t really concern them, we just wanted to have a chat with you and Harry.” Simon smiled, though it didn’t seem at all like the genuine smile we had been used to.

“Oh,” I laughed nervously, “I hope we’re not, er, in trouble or anything?”

“Not really, we just wanted to give you a bit of a warning.” He looked as if he was going to continue, but instead nudged the man next to you.

He coughed, “Uh, yes, hi boys. I’m Dominic, from Modest!, and this is my colleague, Lisa. It’s been brought to our attention that the two of you have a, well, a special relationship.”

Harry’s eyes widened, and I tightened my grip on the chair.

“We knew you were very close friends, but until last night we didn’t know just…how close.” He slid a piece of paper to us, “We received this image late last night from a fan who’d seen you on the X Factor. We’ve been able to control it, so it won’t be getting out any further, but we don’t want this sort of thing happening again.”

We both looked down at the photo of us stumbling into our house, tangled up in each other and obviously kissing. I blushed bright red, but Harry looked almost proud of the photo. My heart broke seeing how open his was, and how it was about to be broken.

“We’re going to need you two to really try to keep this on the down low. I don’t suppose you want to move out just as you’ve moved in together, and it would obviously seem very suspicious. We’re trying to break America, and that’s not going to happen with a boy band with two gay members. No one can know about it except for us and the other boys. That’s if you think they can be trusted with this kind of secret -”

“Of course they can!” Harry retorted.

“Okay, alright. But we’re going to have to set up some sort of arrangement that hides this, without taking drastic action. We though the best way to do that would be to give Harry a womaniser image.”

_“A womaniser?!_ He’s sixteen!” I cried.

“Yes, I am well aware of Mr Styles’ age, but that will all be forgotten when we style you. We’re thinking of ‘older woman’ rumors somewhere along the line, which will emphasise the age. We’re going to play it out, use it to our advantage.”

“Not to mention that he’s quite blatantly gay!” I looked at Harry as soon as the words had come tumbling out of my mouth, but he didn’t seem angry at them. He looked as though he agreed.

“The public will buy whatever you give them. If we feed them the story that Harry’s a womaniser, him being gay will barely cross their minds.” Dominic explained.

Harry sat back in his chair, shocked.

“Believe me, Mr Tomlinson, this is a very minor stunt. If this gets any more serious, we will have to take further action. We’re only thinking about the good of the band.”

“I don’t want to pretend that -”

“You signed a contract, remember?” Dominic raised his eyebrows.

We were escorted out a few minutes later by Lisa, a girl with slick brown hair tied in a ponytail, and glasses. We spent most of the ride home in silence until Harry looked at me from across the middle seat and asked, “Lou, what’s going on?”

I didn’t reply for several seconds, then whispered, “I don’t know.”

 

 

The boys came calling that evening. I played a half-hearted game of FIFA with Niall and Zayn, while Harry sat with Liam on the other side of the room. The others were intently focused on the TV, but I heard every word they exchanged.

“What’s up, Harry? And don’t tell me it’s nothing, because both you and Lou are definitely off. You haven’t had a fight, have you?” Liam asked.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Harry murmured in response, “just a…management thing.”

“A management thing they didn’t tell the rest of us about? Okay, I know Niall’s not that interested in the whole contracts thing, but don’t at least _I_ deserve to know what’s up?” Liam pursued.

Harry paused a moment, then whispered, “It didn’t concern you.”

“Now you just sound like a dick, H. Come on.”

“Management want to make me a womaniser. They can’t have anything about my and Louis’ relationship getting out.” Harry blurted.

Suddenly Zayn and Niall lost interest in the game, yelling, “What?”

“Oh. Shit.” Harry’s eyes widened.

I bit my lip, then walked over and put my arm around him, “It’s okay, babe. They needed to know. So…yeah, you’re going to have to keep this quiet.”

“They can’t do this!” Zayn gasped.

“Actually,” I laughed sadly, “they can. It’s all in the contract. Besides, this is what we want, isn’t it? We want to make it big in the US, and this is the only way we’re going to do that, Dominic made that clear.”

Liam, who had been silent for a while, spoke up, “Please, don’t do this to yourselves for the rest of us.”

“No, it’s okay. We want that too. I mean, look, Harry _fucking Styles,_ of course he’s made for it. We can do this, we _want_ to do this. Right, Haz?” I looked down at the boy I was risking everything for.

“Yeah, wouldn’t have auditioned for X Factor otherwise. Besides, I don’t need to show Louis off, he’s my little secret.” Harry tickled my tummy.

“Alright, this went from serious to sickening very quickly. Let’s get back to the game!” Niall interrupted.

 

 

By that night, I was feeling more optimistic about being a ‘little secret’, but as I flopped into bed next to Harry, I was acutely aware that something had changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have exams soon, so chapter will continue to be few and far between.
> 
> thanks so much for reading! please leave kudos or comments if you think i'm worthy, and of course feel free to ask me any questions here or on my tumblr (infinitelylouis, also).


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